Just sitting here with my 1 yr old sprawled out sound asleep across my lap, checking emails, blogging, facebooking, and feeling like everyone at the kids school must be so fed up with me and all of our "drama". Last year, I felt like I wasn't really able to do much at Hayden's school, because of having a newborn, and then working full time the second half of the year. I felt so bad when he would ask me to work in his class, but I couldn't because I had THREE little ones at home. This year, I vowed I would do more at school, so Hayden will feel like I'm more involved - like his friends parents. The year started out good too! I said I would help with Co-Fundraising on the PSP (pta) Board, I volunteered to chair the Jogathon, signed up to work every other week in Kindergarten, and 3rd grade....Heck, I even volunteered to be one of the music docents in 3rd grade when I can't carry a tune to save my life! Then we found out about Evan's heart.
I had to step down as chair of the Jogathon, and haven't been able to go to a PSP meeting since. I haven't worked in Hayden's class at all, and have only "helped" with one music docent lesson so far. The kids Harvest Carnival is coming up tomorrow, and I'm THAT parent, who hasn't signed up for a shift for either the Kindergarten, 3rd grade booth, OR PSP table! Everyone is probably annoyed that I haven't, but I just can't bring myself to commit to anything yet. I thought we would skip Harvest Carnival altogether this year, but of course the kids have been begging to go, and we could probably use a little fun time around here anyway! I feel so guilty taking the older kids, and not working. I feel like I should just go hide! Ugh. :( Evan still has to stay home, which means either Obee or I have to stay with him and the other parent gets to take the three to the carnival. Hopefully the other parents won't be too mad that I'm there and really NOT doing my share of the work.
3 comments:
Mandy - you are way too hard on yourself! I think anyone who knows your family's story would be impressed by all that you have been doing. And those that may grumble, are clueless and insensitive. You are way saner at this point then I would be, and just the fact that you know what is happening at the kids' school is awesome. Sending reassuring hugs your way:)
I say they will all get over it. And if they do not...the heck with them. If they can not understand that your baby has just had heart surgery...then they are just not worth it. Do what you can and DO NOT feel guilty about what you can not do. (((HUGS)))
You've had a major disruption in life. You've been busy helping one of your children. You tried to do everything and realized you're only human. The loser parent is the one that didn't sign up to chair the Jogathon, be a part of the PSP or sponsor a booth at the carnival. The loser parent is the one that doesn't care she hasn't done anything at her child's school. You are not a loser parent in any sense of the word.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Soon life will be back to "normal" and you'll be running the next big fundraiser or teaching kids to sing even though you can't carry a tune. And you'll look back and be grateful you took the time out from the craziness of everyday life to be the mom that hung out at home while her baby boy was healing.
You're a great mom. Some other parent's opinion of you doesn't change that fact.
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